.. Best Birthday Wishes
June 30, 2008 7:04 pm Uncategorized|
Cheryl: I can’t thank you all enough for coming out to our lil’ Rebecca’s second birthday, especially after all the turmoil and chaos of Gary and I separating. *Tearing up* I know, I know today is a day for celebration so let’s start th — Gary enters and SLAMS the door shut behind him, sweating profusely with the musk of a man who’s had a few too many after-work shots with the boys. Gary: (slurring) Where’s MY little girl? Cheryl: Jesus Gary, not now! You can’t just barge into my house anymore. Gary: Your house? That’s funny! YOUR house? MY HOUSE saddlebags! And Becca’s MY girl too so I have every right to be here for her birthday. Cheryl: Let’s just try and be civil for once. Please. Gary: Is this chump in the black and white camo your new boy toy? Your new pet holding my goddamn daughter as she wears the pink outfit I bought for her! How many times did you ride him on my La-Z-Boy, Cheryl? How many times?!? Cheryl: You’re drunk Gary. Seek help. Gary: Just answer me one question. Does he f*ck you as softly as I do? Cheryl: That’s your brother Richard, he’s here for the birthday party Gary. Gary: Jesus you really are a dirty slut. Well I have a present for YOU Cheryl. *Candi enters causing everyone to shift uncomfortably in their seats* Cheryl: She looks like a prostitute. *Richard goes to stand up* Cheryl: Sit down Richard. We’re about to sing Happy Birthday to Becca. We’d all appreciate it if the both of you just left. Gary: Then two shots for my baby girl on her birthday it is! Turn around Candi. *Gary grabs her from behind, bends her over and pours a nip of vodka onto the small of her back* |
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Written Wednesday, Dec 31 by Jeff Rosenberg from NYU
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