Right Foot: Hey, Lefty! Are you awake?

Left Foot: Of course. It’s like 900 degrees under these blankets. What is she thinking making us sleep under blankets in the middle of the summer?

Brain: Neck and chin like to cuddle with them.

Neck and Chin: It’s true. We like to cuddle.

Feet: Well I don’t see why we need to sweat our balls off so you can “cuddle.”

Neck and Chin: Well we don’t hear anyone else complaining.

Back-of-the-knees: Ahem, uh, we kind of have a problem with it.

Neck: You’ve never said anything before.

Back-of-the-knees: We thought our profuse sweating would get the message across.

Chin: Ok, guess what? We don’t care if you’re sweaty. If you don’t like things, you can just flip off the blankets down by you.

Feet: Fine, we’ll take calves over this way and back-of-the-knees, you can just kind of like hook over the top of the blanket…

Back-of-the-knees: Oh, that’s worse. Much worse. I’ve got a lot of blanket bunched up in my area.

Left Ankle: Is this what Restless Leg Syndrome is?

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Caldwell Tanner puts the “chill” in “CH Illustrator.”

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College can be expensive. Replacing brand name products with cheaper, generic alternatives can save both time and money. For example:

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Christian Bale: …Although you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours. I simply am not there…

Christian’s Mother: Thanks for…telling us that, honey.

Christian: You like Huey Lewis and the News? Their early work was a lit–

Mother: No I prefer good music.

Christian: You didn’t let me finish…

Christian’s Sister: Say bro, got any Dunkaroos I can snack on?

Christian: You’re going to have the roasted duck with peanut butter soup. New York Matinee called it a playful, but mysterious little dish.

Sister: Nah, that sounds pretty bad

Christian (mutters): You’re a f*cking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death. Then play around with your blood.

Sister: WHAT? Did… did you think we couldn’t hear that for some reason? Cause we totally could.

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Alright man, we get it, you’re a smoking fiend, but do you really need to smoke so much that you have to light your new cigarette with the one you’re currently smoking? Maybe you should eat some food or something. You really don’t look well. When was the last time you had a bran muffin? How about some yogurt? What you’re doing is just the epitome of addiction and you’re giving all those casual smokers a bad name.

In the world of cigarettes you’re either classified as a smoker or a non-smoker; there is no gray area. You can’t be on the fence and just have a cigarette from time to time, so either GO HARD or GO HOME! Next time some schlub wants “a drag of your bogue” when he has a couple beers in him, don’t hesitate to tell him to go f*ck himself.  The least he could do is offer the standard dollar.

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